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Literature by WantsToLoseHerMask

Literature by chromeantennae

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Submitted on
August 30, 2013
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40 (who?)
                                                    'There's no kindness in your eyes,
                                         the way you look at me it's just not right'

                                                                                      - Hilary Duff.

As I look over at you across the table, I can’t help but feel doubt creeping in from all sides. From the outside, our relationship is wonderful. You tell me that you love me every single day, you buy me flowers every week and you look after me better than I can look after myself. You even brought me to my favourite restaurant this evening as a surprise treat. I couldn’t ask for any more. You are everything I could possibly hope for. But yet, something is not right. A dark voice in the back of my mind keeps whispering: ‘Don’t be so blind’. I can’t help but feel that the interior of our relationship is not as perfect as the polished exterior. Something rotten is festering there, slowly decaying its way outwards.

A pink tulip sits on the table between us; my favourite flower. I know that you asked for that flower especially. As I breathe in its sweet aroma and scrutinise its delicate shape, I notice a dark brown spot on the underside of one of the petals. Almost imperceptible amongst the overwhelming beauty. That dark brown spot shows the beginning of the end for this tulip; the early stages of decay beginning to set in. I can’t help but feel as though this tulip reflects our relationship. Faultless and beautiful at first glance, but upon closer inspection and hidden away beneath the veneer it is flawed, damaged and temporary.

You smile at me from across the table and I am almost convinced by the affection and happiness it radiates. Almost. But there is a glint in your eye that juxtaposes your warmth. A glint that has been so well hidden for so long, that I only just perceive it. A glint which is saturated with sadness and hidden thoughts. I am too scared to confront you about this, too scared of finding out the truth, and so I just smile back reassuringly and take a sip of wine. But behind my smile, my mind is running riot, asking unanswerable questions: ‘Am I your one and only desire?’ ‘Am I the reason you breathe?’ ‘Or am I the reason you cry?’  


                          'There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface,
                                                                              consuming, confusing'

                                                                                          - Linkin Park.

I start packing my books into cardboard boxes, wiping away the tears that continue to insist on falling. The Time Machine, The Hound of The Baskervilles, The Hobbit...all books that you bought me because you knew how much I loved reading. A wave of anger suddenly washes over me, and I start tearing pages out of the books in fury. In anger. In desperation. As a tear slowly falls and itches at my face, I violently wipe it away, scratching myself with my fingernail in the process.

I feel like you don’t want me around, like you don’t care about me. Up until now, I have bottled it all up inside me. But I can hold it in no longer. By the time you get back from work, I will be gone. You won’t even notice I’m gone. You won’t even care. You told me that you loved me and kissed me on the cheek as you rushed off to work this morning, but I know that you’re just playing a part. An Oscar winning role in the play Happy Families. Well I refuse to be your acting partner any longer. It hurts too much.

I love you with all my heart but at the same time, I think I hate you. I breathe you and I can’t live without you, but I can’t take anymore. You have made me happier than I have ever been, yet I couldn’t be any more miserable. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.

I gather up my suitcase and the rest of my things. As I walk out of your door, I don’t look back. I take a deep breath in, weighted with emotion and decisiveness, and as I slam the door, all I can hear is the sound. The noise echoes in my mind over and over. All I can hear is the sound.


                                                 ‘Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend,
                                 you have been the one, you have been the one for me’

                                                                                     - James Blunt.

I knock at the door that I once slammed so violently. The sound that still haunts my dreams at night. You open the door and look almost surprised to see me. Upon seeing your face again, a face that has dominated my every thought for months on end, I find it impossible to say anything. I just stare at you. Paralysed. Unable to do anything but stop and stare. You leave me speechless. I can’t believe I am seeing you again in the flesh. My mind can’t process it.

You wait for me to say something. Your look of surprise turns to one of concern. I suddenly notice that I am violently shaking all over. My emotions are getting the better of me. I’m shaking in shock, shaking in anticipation, shaking in anger. Tears cascade down my face and finally the words spit out of my mouth, full of venom and loathing. Even I am surprised at the malevolence I inject into them.

‘I loved you and you broke me. You ruined my life. I hate you! I can see my blood all over your hands. You turned me into Does it make you feel more like a man to know that you have done this to me? Look what you have done!’

I begin to shake even more violently, unable to control or contain it. My teeth are clenched tightly together and my left eye starts to twitch. I see the fear in your eyes. You look down at my right hand and suddenly notice the pistol. Your beautiful eyes widen in shock. You open your mouth to try and say something, to try and stop me, but it’s no use. Nothing can stop me. I shakily raise the pistol to your head, determined. Tears fall from my eyes yet a grin overwhelms my mouth. Without a second thought I pull the trigger.

And all I hear is the sound.
This is a short story I have written for ~Rainyyuu. It’s based on the song 'Always' by the band Saliva. (So sorry for the delay in posting something new!).

Upon listening to the song, I sensed a lot of anger and resentment, and that is what I tried to capture in this piece. Notice how I used the words ‘anger’ and ‘violently’ several times throughout the piece to reiterate these feelings that the narrator feels.

To explain the piece in case any of you are left confused: The unnamed narrator is a very paranoid character who questions everything her partner does. She doesn’t believe he is being honest with her even though there is no evidence to suggest otherwise. In the first part of the story she believes he is hiding something from her, yet ironically she is concealing her own thoughts from him, suggesting she is the one with something to hide. As the story progresses she becomes less rational, less eloquent, less together. You can see she becomes more desperate and emotional. She is clearly a character with deep-seated mental health issues. The reader hasn’t seen the partner do anything wrong at all in the story and that is precisely the point. It is all in her head. He hasn’t actually done anything wrong, but in her mind and from her perspective, he is absolutely guilty. Guilty of deception, guilty of apparently playing a part. The ending is intentionally abrupt, like the sudden gunshot.

Here is a link to the song that the story is based on:
Always – Saliva:…

Here are the links to the other songs referenced:
Stranger – Hilary Duff:…
Crawling – Linkin Park:…
Goodbye My Lover – James Blunt:…

Please do leave comments and let me know what you think of the story! :) :heart:
Add a Comment:
hypermagical Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2013
"But yet, something is not right." I noticed this redundancy in the first paragraph. Apart from that, just wow. :clap: I love the way you build her paranoia.
CupofCharlie Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so so much! I really appreciate it :hug:
And thanks for the favourite too! :D 
hypermagical Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013
You're so welcome on both counts! :hug:
WriterWithoutWords Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This story is very amazing ^^ I love the detail put into it, it really is a fine piece of work Huggle!  
CupofCharlie Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Awww thank you so much!

Thank you so much for the favourite and for the watch! Wow :D :hug: 
WriterWithoutWords Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's really no problem ^^I wanted to see more of your great works %uD83D%uDE0A%uD83D%uDE04
CupofCharlie Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hahahahah awww :D
Clym Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013
Very Emo but I love it :D
CupofCharlie Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah thanks so much Clym! :) 
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the song choice. I think "Papercut" by Linkin Park works well for the whole piece, actually.
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