Stay With Me (Dancing In The Moonlight)

‘Tonight you’re saving my life’

-The Gaslight Anthem.

I open my curtains and look at the world outside my window. White cloud dominates the sky leaving no suggestion of the blue behind it, no hint of the sun struggling to break through. As I stare at the beginning of a new day, my thoughts inevitably turn to him, as they always do. I wonder if he’s awake. I wonder if he’s thinking about me too. My heart beats just a little bit faster at the simple thought of him.

It’s strange to think how one person has grown to mean so much to me. Someone who, a year ago, I didn’t even know. But just as the white cloud has overwhelmed the sky above me, his love has encased my heart. So perfectly. So completely. A love that is so strong, that whenever we are apart, a veil of melancholy inescapably rests upon me. The hardest moments of my life are when we have to say goodbye to each other. The happiest are when we say hello.

In the last few months, I have realised that love can be indescribably painful. Being apart from the one that you love can make your heart ache beyond description. I cannot explain it justifiably with words, and I am a writer. Part of my job is to convey emotions with the power of words. To try to put it simply: love hurts like hell. But at the same time, love feels incredible. The feeling of being in love with somebody, and seeing in their eyes that they are in love with you too, is a euphoric feeling. Something that, like heart ache, cannot be justified with words. To find love like that is rare, and must be grabbed with both hands, I think. Love is what makes us alive.

Whilst this love has highlighted several flaws of mine that I am discontent with, such as insecurity and jealousy, it has also exposed positive aspects of myself such as empathy, and a kind of love that I never even knew I possessed.

There are so many reasons why I love him. The way he squeezes my hand comfortingly as we walk down the road, the way he holds me in his arms when I’m sad, the way his eyes ever so slightly wrinkle at the corners when he smiles at me with a look of absolute happiness completely unmarred by any other emotion. I have completely fallen for him. He is everything. My heart is his.

The very anatomy of the human body demonstrates to us that our hearts need to be looked after. Our rib cages shield our hearts, strong armours forged of bone, protecting them from harm. A biological sign that they are precious and irreplaceable. Sometimes we surrender our hearts to another. Sometimes wisely. Sometimes not. But I believe that we have to take a chance with love. We have to take that leap of faith. And if somebody makes us feel as though we cannot possibly feel any happier, and that every moment we spend with them is better than the last, then that is a chance that we must take. That is an opportunity that cannot afford to be missed.

And so it is for me with him.

I love you George. This is for you.